“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”― Harvey Mackay
If asked to speak of the most important person in your life, would you be able to define who and what they are to you?
The answer? You simply can’t. There is not enough pen, enough paper, enough time, nor words…
I was honored to be asked by my Grandfather to write and deliver his eulogy. First at the age of 15. Imagine - you don’t even have your license, and here’s your hero, your grandfather- who just so happens to be a decorated Vietnam veteran retired after 20 years of service, deployed to Vietnam twice, serving 1 year each time, wounded 3 times; suffering gunshots to his legs, a bayonet wound to his upper arm in hand-to-hand combat, hand grenade wounds to his face and body, receiving numerous medals and awards during his time in the Army including 2 Bronze Star1, Meritorious Service Medal2, Air Medal3, Purple Heart4, Combat Infantryman Badge5, Cross of Gallantry6, Republic of Vietnam Wound Medal7, Good Conduct Medal8, 2 Vietnam Era Veteran Certificates of Service, Meritorious Unit Citation9, and an Army Commendation Medal10- asking little ol’ you to write and deliver his Eulogy. (Keep in mind, that doesn’t even touch the other 61 years of achievements.) I couldn’t even grasp the fact there would be a day where he wasn’t there with me let alone imagine it being momentarily. And so there I was at 15 telling my hero “Yes of course. I would be honored to speak at your services.” Thankfully that day wouldn’t come for another 20 years. It wasn’t until he asked me the second time that I knew - this was it.
It was April of last year. I had purchased my one way ticket only 2 days prior, and I had just read him my thank you letter, something I thought I could do without crying for some reason. While silent tears soaked our cheeks, I hugged him and told him I was sorry for crying. He looked at me, and touched my hand “It’s okay. Some words are so beautiful they are meant to be cried over.” Turning to me with tears in his eyes, he says “Will you read this at my service?” A thank you note I had intended for only 3 people to hear. Maybe because it shared a different side of him that not many took the time to know? Or maybe because in it I told half of the family to fuck off? Probably a bit of both.
So… this one time, last month, at a graveside service in a historical cemetery where dozens of our ancestors are honored and buried, after “the song for his wife”, but before the “song for his country”, and before The National Guard’s 3 rifle volley, before taps, and before the folding and presentation of the 3 flags… I stood and delivered the eulogy of the most important person of my life…
On May 16. We lost a son, brother, father, husband, grandfather, soldier, decorated veteran, hero, and warrior.
Attributes and accomplishments that all mention, however I simply consider those the obvious of them all.
My grandfather and I had a very close friendship. So much so - that at 15 years old, he asked me to speak at his funeral- he felt once again the familiar knock of death at his door. Shortly after, he’d call to tell me he met the love of his life And I didn’t know it then but I know it now. That woman saved him. And she’s sitting right there. She breathed life back into him for another 20 years. And I’ll forever be grateful of her for that.
In April of 2022, given 2 weeks to live - not knowing if he’d make it to his 80th birthday I was lucky to read him a letter I wrote thanking him for the impact he’s had on my life. Something most people forget to do while their loved ones are still alive. I remember thinking it felt different. Not because it was the first time I would tell him these things, but because I felt it would maybe be my last.
And he asked me to read you that letter today.
A Letter to my Grandfather dated March of 2022.
Dear Grandpa,
There’s a lot of cruel words I’ve heard people use to describe you over the last 34 years.
Stubborn, Grouchy, Blunt, inappropriate, Asshole, or just straight up “mean.”
But fuck them!
Because I’m all those things too! And I’m fucking proud of it! And…
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